It's a Long Story

I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately. It's the answer to these questions, at least:
"How was your day?"
"Are you coming to the Drive By Truckers shows in Muscle Shoals?"
"Where are you staying?"
"Are you okay?"
And all I can usually stand to say is "It's a long story.."

This past week has been probably the roughest I have had in a few years. It started off normally, nice actually. My plans with the guy I've been seeing to go see the Drive By Truckers were almost set on Monday. We had just planned on going to the Thursday show of the two night run and we would stay with his family or something instead of driving the 3 hours home. But Tuesday when I bought the tickets for me and him, I had a feeling that the whole trip was about to go belly up. My suspicions were confirmed not long after. He decided to get back together with his ex-girlfriend late that night. In addition to this blow, he told me via text message, with no explanation beyond the fact that he couldn't talk to me anymore. Now I've been dumped before, but nothing like this; nothing so childish and disrespectful. I felt like someone just hit me with a freight train, or cut off my arm then left the wound to bleed and fester. I didn't see it coming, to say the least. I was devastated and wrecked. Not only have I lost one of the only things in my life that really let me be myself, but I lost a really good friend.

This also blew the whole trip I had planned to hell. I barely had enough money for the gas to get up there and no place to stay. And I would have to eat the 60 bucks I paid for the tickets. Just adding insult to injury. But when I told my Trucker friends about what happened, I knew they wouldn't let me stay home from those shows. Not when I sincerely needed a rock show to keep me alive. The lovely Jenn came through for me BIG TIME. She gave me solid advice about my situation and she offered her parents home to me, and the possibility of getting me in for the Friday show if I needed it. I will forever be completely grateful to her and her amazing and sweet parents for this.

That was all the convincing I needed. I was going to the Shoals for the Drive By Truckers two night run in their hometown come hell or high water. Wednesday night I couldn't sleep for the excitement, bad dreams, and the Waffle House coffee I had with my friend Anna earlier in the night.


By the time Thursday morning rolled around, I was feeling the love coming from all over, friends sending well wishes, advice, and sweet voice mails. I skipped my first class just to compose myself, and with the hopes of returning to him the various things he left at my place. This didn't happen like I planned (few things ever do), and I was left with a box of shit that made me cry some more. After my last class, I threw a bag in my car and hit the road hard. Three hours may not seem like a long time, but when you're alone, save for Lucero and Tim Barry's music, it can feel like an eternity. I should have known better than to be alone with my thoughts, but a driving companion probably would have only made matters worse. I just drove, screamed the words to sad songs, cried. You know they don't make break-up songs like that. I guess because it's embarrassing to admit that you ever cared for someone who could hurt you like that. But around Cullman I finally got past the tears into the next stage, completely pissed. I've been in angry town for a few days now, with the help of Beth, Lara, Jenn, and Traci. These ladies are my rocks! They told me how amazing I was and how much I didn't deserve to be treated like I was. Again I can't ever express the gratitude I have for them. I love you all so much.

Anyway, I finally made it into downtown Florence around 5:30 and circled the block for a while looking for a place to park. I finally found a spot and walked the few blocks to meet Beth and Todd for Italian food (I can't remember the name...). But we ordered our food and were soon joined by a few more familiar faces. Emma, Todd, and Kat completed the table, and offered a good distraction from my thoughts. After our meal, Beth, Todd and I walked across the street to Billy Reid's to listen to Jay Leavitt talk about the musical history of North Alabama. Jay is a great speaker and just a fountain of knowledge. But alas, my short attention span got the better of me and I left the presentation early to go find a place on the front row.

I found my spot right between where Patterson and Shonna are usually set up and I camped out until the Whigs came to play. I had never heard them before, so it was a treat to watch. Their music was just right for the mood I've been in. I also enjoyed the lead singer's energy. He spent nearly the whole set jumping around, almost always with one foot off the ground, like a pogo stick or a kid who thinks he can fly. It was refreshing to see the passion those boys have for playing. Their set was a great start to the night to be sure.

Shortly after, the Truckers hit the stage. Patterson, all smiles as usual, came to greet the fans with a few handshakes, and for a lucky heartbroken girl, a nice kiss on the hand. I felt like a total rock star at that moment. I knew the rest of the show couldn't possibly be a disappointment. It was also a treat to see Spooner Oldham playing with the band. Cooley launched into a raucous version of "Where the Devil Don't Stay" that set the tone for the night. Then Patterson told a little story about some boys from Alabama. In those first few songs, I couldn't help but find my mind wondering what it would be like if he was there. But as soon as Mike crooned about love like this, I came to the conclusion that I don't ever want another love like the last. I was done thinking about the past; ready to pump my fists, yell, and sing until I couldn't stand up anymore. Not long after, Shonna sang her beautiful "I'm Sorry Houston" and brought the crowd back down to earth. But they weren't done with us yet. Cooley brought us all back to reality with "Women Without Whiskey." The energy in the room at this point in the show wasn't just infectious, it bounced off all hard surfaces just to shower back down on the crowd. Maybe it was my state of mind, but I haven't felt that close to a a group of strangers in a long time. And of course, the cute boy standing next to me, with the cool tattoos and sweet smile, just had to be taken. But regardless of what happened Tuesday night, I was bound and determined to have a damn good night, enjoy being free and to feel sexy.

That night, Patterson told a story about his step-dad Chester, of 18 Wheels fame of course, and his strength despite a dismal prognosis. 18 Wheels of Love now holds a different context, for me at least. But "Hell No I Ain't Happy" made my heart happy. I got to yelling those words and I really felt like I was exercising some of my demons and giving him a big ole cosmic "Fuck you!"
I'm normally a stand up front singing all the words kind of girl, but I found myself unable to sing some because I didn't believe them anymore, or they didn't feel right coming out of my mouth. But there were others that brought me to my knees and to tears. "Zip City," both nights, made me mad as hell and cry angry tears. Certain lines from "Marry Me" got me too. It's just amazing, how many times I've seen these guys live, but every time the songs mean something different in the context of my experience. I've grown closer to some songs, while others make me feel worse or I just don't hear them like I used to. I noticed a lot of little things at this performance that I don't normally or haven't noted in the past. I could feel the whole building shake when Brad got to drumming and the vibration of my ribs and insides when Shonna went to town. Also the faces of people in the crowd--they were just filled with joy and awe. Newcomers with their mouths open wide and eyes just sparkling, and old faces with the look of recognition when they realized what the next song was going to be. I have said this before, and I'll say it until I die: Drive By Truckers fans are some of the most amazing people in the world.

The encore was just to die for:
Home Field Advantage- Shonna makes me believe she could kick any one's ass when she sings. I love that about her.
3 Dimes Down
Runaway Train- Not a first for me, but I love it just the same.
Buttholeville- Good story, and I was near a bunch of locals who nearly lost their minds at hearing the song.
Ronnie and Neil- Nice segue from the last, a sort of growing up and transformation in thinking. That seemed to be going around a lot that night.
Zip City- Like I said..brought me to tears and inspired one of the most amazing adventures of my life.
Angels and Fuselage- Beautiful, haunting and so true. I'm scared shit less of what's coming next.

After a show that epic, I tend to wander around in the crowds of people, over-hearing bits of conversations about what they liked, hated, and what kicked ass. My ears rang because in my fit of packing I left my earplugs at home, but at least I was feeling something, even if it was pain. I drove to Jenn's dad's house around 1:30 in the morning, and not long after my head hit the pillow, I was fast asleep. Considering I haven't slept well since it happened, I was relieved to let my mind rest on something other than details. Only one bad dream about what happened with the ex and I slept so very soundly, until 10:30 when Jenn woke me up for breakfast.


Friday mornings just don't get any better than this. The Bryant house is beautiful. All hand built, homey and full of morning sunlight. Her dad is probably one of the most amazing and generous men I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. He treated us to an amazing breakfast and my appetite surprised me. I guess being so far away from the place where the memories are made it easier to focus on living in the present, and not redrawing events. After breakfast I went for a dip in the cool water by the house, and went for a test drive in Jenn's new car. Then we headed to her mom's house for a nap, shower, and to take her mom to the rock show. Jenn's mom is also just an amazing lady; sweet and kind.

When we made it back to the theater that night, we popped on the bus to say hi, and Jenn went to give someone a hand. I wandered over to the line of people at the door and found Lara, my sweet and amazing big sister from another mister. On Wednesday night she told me a story I'll never forget, and spent the night letting me know everything was ok. I love her with all of my heart. We found Beth right where I knew she would be: in the front of the line, right next to the door, poised to be the first to claim a good spot. Beth, Todd, and Sean went with Emma, a Shoals native, to all of the sights earlier that day: Muscle Shoals Sound, FAME, and Zip City of course. And they were all ready to rock.

The Decoys opened that night, and right off the bat, the first thing I noticed was Patterson's father. The resemblance is uncanny, even down to his wild eyes and occasionally weary smile. David just seems like a man with a lot of good stories. The members of the Decoys may be old enough to be my grandfather, but their musicianship and stage presence is second to none. I was blown away by the songs, some of which I knew, but most I didn't. Their set still left a deep impression on me. The legends on that stage cannot be topped.
It was about half way through their set that I realized I was happy. Genuinely contented in that moment with my friends and a bunch of strangers.

Then it was time for the main event. Patterson pulled out the mandolin for "Bulldozers and Dirt" dedicated to Monster, a late friend. Cooley did some repeats from the night before, but they're still solid songs. The "Living Bubba" that Patterson belted was the best I've heard, and brought me some lines I needed to hear. He told me I can't die now, because there's a lot more living to do...more shows to play if you will. Pat did "Putting People on the Moon" and "Tornadoes" back to back in honor of the location of the show and just to bring the crowd to a frenzy. After these two, the band was joined by Patterson's dad David Hood for Shonna to belt "Where's Eddie." I don't think I had heard that song in its entirety before, but it brought me to my knees. Then Donnie Fritts & Scott Boyer of the Decoys joined in for Eddie Hinton's "Everybody Needs Love." It's a great song to be sure, but I just don't agree right now. I'm feeling quite cynical about nearly everything today. The next 3 songs were all from the newest record, Brighter Than Creations Dark, and all fit perfectly right after the Eddie Hinton tribute. Some were repeats from the night before, but still sound unique each night. Then came Steve McQueen! I love that song more than I should, and every time I've heard it I fall deeper into the song! And Patterson's cover of I'm Eighteen couldn't have been more fitting. I'm just going to assume that Traci told him what was going on with me, and he played it for me. That rounded out the first set, and the crowd got quite quiet in between the D-B-T chants. Like a collective "Holy shit!" moment. Like the night before, the energy from the crowd and the band, too, was bouncing all over and highly infectious.

The following encore was and will probably be my favorite I have ever seen. That may not sound like much coming from a nineteen year old, but I mean it wholeheartedly.
Zip City- For the second night in a row, made me cry.
A World Of Hurt- And those tears just spilled over into this song. I was feeling that whole world of hurt, and still am from time to time. But the hope in this song finds a way of implanting itself, for the possible need later when hope isn't so abundant or apparent.
Women Without Whiskey
Let There Be Rock- I just love hearing that I'm not the only one not ashamed or sorry for the things I've done.
People Who Died- This was EPIC! I think Patterson grew 10 feet in the first 5 seconds of this song. And he rocked it. I also got the pleasure of getting to scream a few "People Who Died"s with Patterson and Lara. Such an honor and so bad ass.

I haven't had a show that emotionally taxing in a while. I felt like someone ran me over with a bus but pulled me up off the pavement for some encouraging words and a kind smile. After I said my goodbyes to Beth, Todd, other Todd, Kat, Emma, Marina, Swamp, and Sean I headed out to the bus. I was on a mission to tell Patterson a big thank you and to get a hug from Shonna and Neff. When I got in Traci, my amazing mentor and adopted aunt was on the couch. She gave me some advice and encouraging words about the boy situation. She let me know that if we needed to sick Uncle Patterson and Cooley on him that it might could be arranged. :) She always makes me feel better. I sat down next to Spooner and surprisingly he remembered me from a previous encounter. I got the joy of listening to him and Donnie Fritts talk about some of their early recording experiences and touring stories. I wish I could remember more details, but I'm at a loss for the specifics. I was a bit starstruck, so sue me. I also got to talk to Matt D for a bit. It's hard to believe that I've known the band for 3 years. They've seen me grow up, get my braces off, their songs helped me through 4 break-ups, and finish my first two years of college.
Shonna bounded from the back lounge not long after and I got my hug and big smile from her. She is just as sweet as can be. And then I noticed that Jay Leavitt had sat down next to me. We got to talking, too. He's really cool and nice, despite the fact that I probably said too much about how I ended up in town for the weekend. I would love to sit down with him just to pick his brain. It has to be full of goodies and wisdom beyond his experience. And if he gets to read this, I want to thank him for the wise and kind words he said as I was leaving. I can't thank you enough for caring about a complete stranger.
Then Patterson disappeared into the back lounge, so I went with Traci to say goodbye to everyone. I had a long drive back to Jenn's mom's house, so I decided I needed to get on the road before I was too sleepy. I got my hug from Shonna and the biggest bear hug from Patterson. I love his hugs and the story he told me and Neff about the last time he drove to Jenn's momma's house. He and Cooley were in gorilla suits hauling ass down 43 while Cooley puked out the window. I got my hug from Neff and hit the road. The drive was long, but I needed time to clear my head of some thoughts. The stars were beautiful, too. There's no light pollution out there so you can see the stars forever. I slept like a baby for the second night in a row, and woke up to a bright and hopeful morning. Enjoyed an amazing cup of coffee and breakfast made by Jenn's mom, and headed back into town for another adventure.


  1. Maddy:

    (I'm new to NineBullets, just for the record and saw your comment there which lead me to here! :)

    I am only a few years older than you. Just turned 24 this summer.

    It is so freakish reading your account of this particular break up. But I promise it could be worse. (Like that helps, I know!)

    When I was 19/20, I was unfortunately not familiar with DBT. Not sure why, but I just had not stumbled upon their music and really given it a chance.

    I did date the same guy through most of high school. He was a TOTAL DICK too. He was even mean to my baby sister and our dog!! What kind of a man (boy) is mean to a Kindergartner who is even cuter than Shirley Temple? Really?!?!

    And my dad absolutely hated him. That is ALWAYS a sign. Daddy's can be irrational, but they can always spot an asshole from a million miles away. (I am sure the Truckers will have wise words to share about this when their babies grow up and start dating!)

    So anyway, I believed with all my heart we were meant to be together--blah-blah--(even though he was a dick for brains and we had nothing at all or solid in common).

    After dating exclusively for almost 2 years, he emailed and then IM'd me one day in March(texting wasn't as universal then) to tell me that we couldn't talk anymore. He had gotten this complete bimbo pregnant at a party (that he lied to me about and told me they were just friends--never trust a douchebag).

    He also informed me he was moving in with her, they were going to live happily ever after, and well, obviously there wasn't anything I could do about it.

    I had 2 weeks to scramble for a new prom date. But that was easy compared to being completely crushed and embarassed. A total nightmare. I wanted to just die instead.

    I swore off dating. I hated all guys by this point. That was in March/April. By the end of May, I met my now husband at his garage band's practice.

    I didn't want to fall in love, but dammit I did. He was beautiful and loved all the same music. We had EVERYTHING in common.

    My absolute best advice from personal experience is that there is no advice one human can give to another regarding love.

    I truly believe that when we try and "make things happen" or fix a crappy situation, we end up fucking it all up even worse.

    If I had kept swearing off guys and refused to meet or open up to anyone new, I would not be a happily married woman partying at Truckers shows with the sweetest husband in the world!

    You make plans and it sometimes seems like the Cosmos or God or Allah (you pick) just laugh in your face and try to mess with you while you are already a trainwreck.

    The only real advice I can give you is not to let any guy (or girl!) determine your own happiness or self worth.

    I learned the hard way. I dated complete douchebags and I wrongly believed I needed love or a relationship to be complete and happy. And I promised myself I would never ever do that again. Because it wasn't worth all of the complete BS.

    I missed out on a lot of fun things because I was too busy trying to make Dickhead happy and "stay" around. (Good Riddance!)

    At 19 and 20, you just want to have fun and be able to remember those times as precious and momentous. Not full of complete heartbreak and soap operas.

    Not every guy is an asshole. I promise! But, if you date enough of the assholes, you will realize what you DON'T want in a guy. You will just become more selective... :)

    And Jenn is an asbolute gem! We love her!!!

    **Sorry this comment was not PG-13**

    Good luck in love!

    P.S. Will you be at the Nashville show??

  2. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! For the advice and encouraging words. I'm now realizing how bad he really was for me. I made the list of things I don't/didn't like and now whenever I think I might miss the good times, I look at it and I'm reminded why I don't need that in my life. Your story is sweet though! I'm glad it all worked out for you!! I might be at the Nashville show. Or maybe Jackson, MS. It depends on whether or not I can find a job.

  3. It is SO my pleasure. If I can help even one girl realize how wonderful she really is and how much she absolutely deserves to be treated with respect (that is a minimum!), so be it.

    There are so many guys, and girls too, who don't care how they mistreat others. But when the right person comes along at the right time, it is worth all the hell and turmoil.

    Let me know if you come to the Nashville show! Would love to start meeting 9B people, especially chick Truckers! It sucks when none of the guys will dance :) And I JUST found the 9B site this week after the Florence show.

    Actually, I have been going to the site for over a year for news, but like a nerd I never saw the message board link.... :/

    You will be just fine. In a year, you will laugh (and probably still cry a little) about these times.

    I can't say even now that I enjoy the fact that I was completely crushed by a jerk, but I truly believe that things turned out the way they should.

    I'm sure I am wrong on a lot of this. I'm only 24. But when I stopped trying so hard to make things happen a certain way, things started working out for me.

    Who knows?! :)

    I am so excited for you. You have your whole life ahead of you. Have tons of fun in college. I miss it (UNA) every single day. The working world is not always fun or glamorous.

    I would LOVE to go to the Jackson show too, but I would be going alone (husband works on Saturdays) and I'm not exactly sure I am up for that long of a drive by myself. We will see. :)

    And I think I may have been standing behind you for Friday night's show, but am not sure... I was inbetween Shonna and Patterson. There was a row of people in front of me, and I was close enough to sing in Patterson's mic with everyone else during "People Who Died".

    Were you close to that?


  4. I was VERY close to that. In fact I got to yell a few lines. Were you the sweet girl with the dress and blond hair? I was wearing blue, from head to toe.
    You're so very right. I should just let life happen and if a boy comes along (much like the last did sadly) then I'll see where it goes. I'm not looking for anything, but I should be open to whatever can happen.
    If I make it to either I will definitely let you know! I love meeting Truckers chicks, in fact we always become fast friends, if you didn't notice by my post.

  5. :-)

    I wasn't in a dress for this show. I had on a cream colored, satin-y tank top with black on it and blue jeans. (Don't ask...lol)

    It was kind of cramped and I kept stepping on some of the girls around me, but I CANNOT just stand at a DBT show. I try and it's really hard. :)

    I think you were in front of me!!

    Did you share some of PHood's beer?

  6. I don't think I saw you. :( I can't just stand either! It all just makes me want to dance!

    I didn't share the drink. Patterson has a strict Maddy shouldn't drink until she's 21 rule that he kinda sticks to. Most of the crew as well. And it was just as well, I had to drive a long way home.

  7. Oh yeah! (sorry I forgot your age for a minute!)

    I still think you were pretty close to us.

    If I don't see you at the Nashville show, we definitely will have to keep in touch until we can actually meet at a show.

    And I loved this blog entry so much, especially the description of both shows. So thanks for that too!

  8. It's okay! You're not the first and you won't be the last to forget it!
    I think so too...is your husband tall? I think you helped me and Sean, the big guy in black, hold a place for our friend.
    For sure! I would love love to keep in touch.

    You're welcome. I'm so very glad you loved it!

  9. Yes, he's 6'1 and I'm about 5'3. lol.

    Nerdy but do you use facebook?

  10. Aw cute. Then I do think I remember you!

    I do! Do you?

  11. Yeah!
    I will try and find/add you.

    It will probably be easier that way! :)

  12. I'm pretty easy to find. Maddy Coley. I think I'm the only one!
    Much much easier!!

  13. Hey man ;-)

    Loved reading your post. And there is something really powerful, now i come to think, about leaving unbloglike gaps between posts. What a juxtaposition, May and July. Just as well we can't (by and large) see the future. I don't mean to respond like i'm doing a piece of literary criticism. I know it's your life. This occasional visit to you that i make reminds me of my relationship with my daughter (23 this year) who i hardly ever saw or see; each time there was/is some development, some impact, some change, some loss...not the regularity of contact that ever allowed taking for granted, though.

    Did you see that? I think it was a stream of consciousness (bs)!

    Keep it up gal - the writing, your spirit..!

    Paul x